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 Fragment #1 - Born again

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MessageSujet: Fragment #1 - Born again   04.01.09 21:51

Sunday 3rd june 2007
in London

Slowly, I’m waking up, all in sweat. My eyes ache under the dim lights over my head. I have arrived in . I’m in my bed, at Alex’s, my cousin. I don’t want to wake up for the moment. I just wanna feel the sheets on my skin, open slowly my eyes on this new place, recognize the posters on the wall, the knick-knacks in the cupboard. These things from my past. We used to go to the Olympia cinema in Dijon and watch this movie, I gave this book to Alex for his 15. I can feel him move next to me. He’s waking up. There’s not so much room at his parents’, we’re sleeping together. I kiss him in the neck.
‘It’s Jed,’ I whisper, ‘thanks for all that. I’m having breakfast and going to granny’s. See ya.’

I’m walking in the heat. I’m sweating cold. I shiver. Don’t know exactly where I’m going to. I should find the bus stop some streets away. I’m thinking about my arrival.

The Eurostar train is going through my father's country. A new Jed is opening his eyes. A new Jed is thinking, now. I don’t know if this decision of going to London is the right one. Anyway, it’s done. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.
I’m thinking of Jonathan, my ex-boyfriend, waiting for me in Dijon. He doesn’t know. He tried to call me twice today. I didn’t answer. I won’t answer anymore. This is past.
The train arrives in London. I can see that. All these buildings shining in the dawn. Red bricks. London is nothing but that for me: red bricks and narrow streets. I stick my face to the window, trying to grasp as much of my town as I can. The train stops. I walk down the aisle, get my suitcase, and get off the train.
I feel so empty. I’ve left part of my life in . I feel as if I’ve left part of my guts there. It hurts. I just feel like crying, as a newborn baby. Am I born again?
I walk down the escalators. Everyone is keeping right, except from some French guys, told away by some businessmen in a hurry. I go up a small slope, leading to the gates, where I can hear the background noise of people waiting. My steps hurry. Who is going to be waiting for me? I’m moving on faster, my heart beats follow.
I’ve passed the gates.
A crowd around me, stifling. Thousand of faces I don’t know. Blank faces.
Alex is right in front of me. So, that’s why granny didn’t want to tell me who would be waiting for me. My cousin. My lovely cousin is waiting.
“I haven’t been seeing you for ages!”
We watch each other in the eyes. I can’t control my emotion, and start crying again. I fall in his arms. He holds me tight. I kiss him on both cheeks.
I tell him that I don’t care about carrying my suitcase, but I want to see my lovely London by night, before catching the last train. We’ll get in the next tube station.
As soon as we have done a few metres, I can see the Eye lightened, over the Thames, still and silent. Colours are mirrored in the ghastly flow. We get on Millennium Bridge. Just a few people are passing by at this time, shortly seen when they pass under a light. I stop in the middle of the bridge, stare towards Big Ben tower. I get a huge breath of the river vapours, poisoning my blood with English smells.
At last I feel at home.

I smile, thinking about that lovely evening. Yesterday was so confusing. It’s now that I at last feel at home, walking towards my grandmother’s. The stifling heat colouring my face, making me feel more than alive.
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