Fragment #34 - Can people ever change?

I'm not listening to her. I'm trying but I'm not. I can see Sarah talking, vaguely. I look through the Starbucks' windowpane behind her. The weather is fine. But what else is fine? I'm having a classic hot chocolate, my favourite, with my sister, to whom, against the odds, I finally became close to. So why I feel sad? She talks, and talks, about Glasgow, about her new friends, her colleagues at Subway, from everywhere in the world, Europe, India... She has a new boyfriend, Guillaume, they met at the French Alliance. Glasgow is an amazing place, I already know that, and I have a job in there, I settled in, so why this saddens me? It's not even jealousy. Just a mere and sad observation. Something's wrong. What happened? Am I jealous of Sarah, again, like a teenager I should'nt be anymore? It's something different. Something else. I've thought... Yeah, I've believed Glasgow, a new place, new country, would solve everything. Insecurity, sadness, my moods's change... But in the end did this work out? Or am I still the same person? What's wrong with me? And without realising it, I break the news to Sarah.

« Je ne suis pas heureuse » I am not happy.

And she stares at me. Obviously this has nothing to do with the conversation we were supposingly having. But she doesn't look surprised. And she seems to understand. I need to find someone, I need to find understanding, in order to change this all. Do I believe people can change? At least aknowledging you have a problem is a starting point. And I want to change. I'm tired of having it all, and finally not living my life to the full, not even enjoying it. Have I made the wrong choices? Mike...? Sarah starts asking questions. The reasonnable questions. What doesn't make me happy, really? The job? The flat, herself, Claire? No of course, I love my job, and you girls, you're just great... Friends, boyfriend? Here we are, and I point out one of the obvious problem I can't solve, because it's always better to have someone... But Mike... I start telling her about my doubts, and suddently she bursts out, almost angry:

"Fuck off that guy, if you're not happy with him, change him! Love is a game sis'."

I used to be jealous of my wee sister, who always finds life so simple. But right now, I'm just loving her. Though even with good advice, can I really change? Well anyway if I'm not trying... The biggest change ever for me would be to follow the advice and seize the day with no more questions. But some day I'll have to answer THE question: if I'm mostly unhappy with my life, who I want to become then? Almost 25 and still no straight answer. Maybe it's time to seriously think about it. If people can, really, ever change.