Fragment #15 - Left alone

Julian has left. My skin is crying. My entire body’s crying tears of blood. How could he do something like this? How could he do something he knew I would suffer from? I thought at a certain point we would love each other. I thought he loved me. I’m in my bed, curled in my sheets, wet from the tears I’ve shed.
Granny is knocking at the door. I won’t answer. She’s asking what’s happening. What could I answer anyway? Someone I had cherished lied to me; someone I had loved left me. Someone I thought was someone I could trust betrayed me. Julian is such a chicken. How could he eave without even speaking to me? He left my sheets cold next to me.

What is left now deep inside me is wrath; a deep and black wrath. The tears can dry as easily as love can melt. I’m blindfolded by this destructive wrath. The werewolf is howling inside me. I take my sheets and tear them. Every single object in my room makes me thing of the betrayer. I just take them and break them. I try to hurt myself destructing my life, from a vase grandma gave me when I arrived to the book Ariane brought from France to me. I can feel cold tears of blood and revenge running down my face.

I feel myself trembling from what hurts inside. This wrath and sorrow are destroying me. An auto-destructive impulse runs through my veins. I can hear Nightwish music drumming in my ears.
I wish I had an angel.
Someone taking care of me, someone protecting me and saying everything is fine.
And I hit my fists on the door and the walls, making them bleed.
I wish I had an angel.
Someone who could kiss me in the neck, and breathe softly on my shivering skin.
And I stamp on the ground, fall loosing my balance.
I wish I had an angel.
Someone who could lick my wounds, sing in my head, cuddle me while I die inside.
And I bang my head on the ground, the harder I can without loosing consciousness.

My sweat is turning into blood.