Fragment #4 - Winter's chill

I went walking this morning. I escaped from the warm comfort of my flat at the early hours of the day. The sun was merely beginning to make his way from his resting nest to the other side of the horizon. I drove about an hour, eager to leave the city streets and find myself lost into the countryside.
I found what I was looking for: plain view, hills, and hedges boarding the rocky paths. My hands buried into my pockets, shivering from the biting cold, I walked upon the quiet and desert land. Inch by inch, I beheld the golden light pour from the sky and bathe the land around me. The grass and the fields were glittering, due to the hoarfrost which seemed to have stopped time and life throughout the land. Life and strength the sun was now giving them back, imbuing their frozen corpse with light and heat.
Winter mornings always felt special to me, particularly sunny ones. The winter sun is nothing like the summer sun, as if they were two different stars: the hot burning one, and the cold glimmering one. Actually in winter, it’s colder when the sun is shining.
Melaine would probably tell me that technically, it still isn’t winter. I’m glad she didn’t want to come with me. For the first time in two years, it feels like something has been broken between the two of us. Since the night after the fair, and even if she told me it did not matter if I didn’t want to tell her about my past, it seems that she doubts me. And why the hell am I so reluctant to tell her about all this? This is the person I am going to spend my whole life with, why should it be so difficult to share my past with her too?
I don’t want to think about this now. The soil is crackling under my footsteps. If I walk long enough, maybe I will find the answers to my questions.