Fragment #7 - Saved by the dance

I’m sitting at my desk. It’s hard to keep focused today. My eyes keep moving towards the frame besides my computer. On the picture, a couple smiles. Matthew and me. Blessed times… I can feel Camie’s gaze on me. No music today, it’s my way to mark the day. A day of silence. For you.
Later, I walk away from the office. I’m walking on Buchanan Street. People are passing by, but they don’t touch. I feel surrounded by ghosts. I stopped in the middle of the street, a few meters from the big glassy entrance of the subway. People avoid me. They don’t even brush against me. I always feel gloomy on this day. Finally, after some long minutes, I move towards the subway. Towards home.
I’m standing outside my building. I can’t go home. I just come to that conclusion. I can’t go home. I turn around and walk. And walk. And walk. I reach Kelvingrove Park. I climb up the slope and reach the lawn down Park Circus. I sit there, waiting. Thinking. I have nowhere to go and meditate on your grave, because you have no grave. Ashes in the wind… A shadow on my face. Paul sits down by my side.
“I knew I would find you here.”
I say hi, in my heart. I can’t talk. I can’t even cry. I am beyond the tears. I don’t have any left anyway.
“Did you know that you do exactly the same things every year? Even Bob knows where you are.”
I nod, and look to the city at my feet. This city. Glasgow. It gave me so much, and then took it away… What am I doing here?
“You know what I think, sis’? I think you need a drink.”
I look at him. A drink? Well, why not, it can’t do me any wrong now.
“Come on, I know a great place.”
Paul is standing in front of me, his hand stretched out. Ok, ok. I take his hand and get up.
“But you stay with me Paul, ok? Please. No chasing girls around tonight, ok?”
“C’est juré, sœurette.” He says, kissing me on the cheek.
And off we go.

I don’t know what time it is. I don’t know how many glasses I had. I am not drunk yet though. I’m just good. I am dancing. We’re underground. Polo Lounge. Dancing. I’m there. Dancing. It feels good. I feel good. My body is tired, but not my mind. I know that if I stop, my mind will start again. No, don’t think. Just dance. Just follow the music. One more time. Daft Punk. French DJs. Just dance.

Music's got me feeling so free
One more time…