Fragment #74 - Lassitude

He just came in. He kissed me on the lips, and again, as it’s been for the past few weeks, I felt nothing but lassitude. We haven’t seen each other much for the last weeks he spendt on his dissertation, and I’ve heard of Shakespeare far too much when I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend… I am bored. Really bored. I let him in, just tell that I have my jacket and bag to grab in my bedroom. I take my mobile left on the bed. New text from Mike. We’ve been texting a lot this week, just about random daily things. I am not sure one can call this cheating. Tough if I am wondering, it means that it sorts of is for me. I’m just escaping for the relationship I don’t enjoy anymore. The nights out are not great, the sex is boring, we don’t make plans except than which bar or restaurant are we going to on Saturday, whose place are we sleeping at afterwards… Boring.
I feel torn apart. Somehow I think I don’t have to stay in an unfulfilling relationship: I am an independent woman, I earn a living and being with someone is just an opportunity to make life nicer. On the other way, I feel spoiled, ungrateful and insensitive just to go from one man to another the way I somehow always did, as if it had to be perfect to be worth it. Except that it can’t be. And again, the same pattern: a few days, a few weeks, a few months, and I get bored. When will I get rid of this recurring lassitude?