Fragment #32 - Puzzle

'Five across, “mode of transport for a carpenter”.'
I know reader, talking to oneself is a sign of madness, the problem is that this fucking crossword has been foiling my every attempt so far. I don't even like crosswords, I'm just doing this to procrastinate, which might I add is one of my favourite methods of not getting any work done.
The problem is that I'm now procrastinating about procrastinating, I'm finding ways of not doing what it was I was doing instead of work... anyone else have a headache?
It's always the same problem I've had. I'm used to editors calling me and shouting “Where the FUCK is my article?” And now that I'm an editor I actually find myself calling myself just to shout at myself “Where the FUCK is my article?” Reader, can you imagine how distressing that is for me? Now I get it in Stereo. I'm supposed to write something for myself about the recent heatwave that hit the UK and how it affectedohGodIcan'tbebothered... I pour myself another Gin and Tonic deciding that this is it! I am going to get some work done...
I have another Gin.
I roll and smoke a joint.
I have yet another Gin.
'Five across... Goddammit!' Why can't I get this? What evil vile NAZI-pig-fucker came up with this clue?
Generally when I'm avoiding work I try to do something I'd enjoy. But not this time, this time my lethargy was so that when I noticed that the internet was off and there was no way for me to get access to free porn, I just picked up the paper and looked at the crossword. Perhaps it's the exciting subject matter that I've to write about.
I stagger through to the kitchen, a bit unsteady on my feet due to the quantities of Gin imbibed, I'm hell bent on having a coffee but for some reason I seem to have just mixed myself a Pina Colada... I didn't even know I had the components (No it's not in a coconut or a hollowed out pineapple.), well you learn something new every day, and besides, it tastes good (Well like Ethanol with some extra flavourings.).
Okay to work...
'Five accro... Bugger.' It dawns on me reader, that I have this clue stuck in my head and will never get any work done unti... “five across, Mode of transport for a carpenter” A plane.
'Sorted... Six down...'