Fragment #5 - The Novelist: What have I done!

I don’t understand it. Yesterday I let Antoinette talk for me at the train station. She met a gentleman about my own age coming away from the ticket counter and asked him something about Provence. While I’m not certain, I think she asked if that was where he was going. Whatever her question was, his answer was both positive and negative, as though maybe he wasn’t going all the way, but in the right direction. She chattered on for quite a while with him and before I realized it, he’d gone back to the counter and purchased a second ticket. Her reaction startled me as she bounced up and down excitedly and kissed him on both cheeks in gratitude, extremely embarrassing for me.

“But William,” she explained to me later, “he wanted a companion on the ride and I promised him what he wanted!”
“’Nette, how can he possibly want me as a companion? He’s my own age and certainly not gay if I read him right.”
No, but he is very interested in me and, well, as long as you and Jon don’t mind, I could....?“
”Nette! How could you possibly promise him that?“
”Do you not let me speak for you,“ she asked.
”Yes, but that hardly gives me what you have.“
”Are you so sure?“ I looked into her eyes... or at least my mental image of her eyes. ”Go into the public facilities over there and wait until it’s empty, then look into the mirror.“
I did as she asked, and though the room seemed constantly busy, there were a few moments when nobody else was around. I looked into the mirror as I washed my hands, seeing only a man in his early 50’s, mousy brown hair with a few strands of silver at the temples and across his receding hairline.
”Give me your body,“ she ordered. I did.
As I watched, the reflection in the mirror changed. Still in masculine clothing several sizes too big for her, a young French woman looked out at me. Hair black as night flowed down over her shoulders down beyond what I could see in the mirror. Her face? Youthful, barely into her twenties, the skin perfect and seemingly tanned by a lifetime living on the Riviera.
”See?“ she asked. ”This is what he sees and this is what he wants. This is how I made my way through your lands before finding Jon and finding a true life for myself.“
I heard the door open behind me. I ducked my head in embarrassment as another person came in to use the facilities, expecting some comment at finding a woman in the men’s room. Surprisingly, he passed on by, heading for a private stall without a word. Glancing into the mirror again, all I saw was the face I’d lived in since I was born.
”Trust me,“ she whispered into my mind. ”You already know how I made my way; you wrote me, after all. If you can trust me as Jon does, you will not need the money to go where I wish.“
I dried my hands and exited the room, heading out to the street again. As I walked, I thought on her explanation, still worried. Finally I stopped and looked around, seeking a doorway that was somewhat set back from the street while having a glass entry that might show me a reflection. On finding what I wanted, I stepped up to the glass, pretending to look at the merchandise on display. ”Jon,“ I asked, ”can you accept what ‘Nette wants to do?“ I felt a stirring in my mind as a feeling of ultimate love flowed through me.
”Antoinette knows what she’s doing, William. I trust her as I trust no other. If this can help us, how can I argue her methods?“
”It’s not your body, Jon.“
”Isn’t it?“ I looked into the glass. For just a moment the reflection showed me something impossible. There in the glass appeared a vulpine face superimposed over my own, his ears standing several inches over the top of my head. ”You gave us life, William. You believed in us.“

Menkalinan a écrit:

Waou... let's see...
I would like to say a lot but I just can't.

Try. As far as I can tell, I could have easily gone too far with this Fragment.

Mesarthim a écrit:

I think you make it perfectly possible that he is imagining this all (when Jon says to him he "believed in them") ... (If you meant by "gone too far", breaking the reality rule, or something like that ...)
I liked how both the novelist and his characters (and at the same time his relationship to them) is taking shape ...

In comics, American web comics in particular, there is a point where the character turns and talks to the audience. You see this done in some movies as well (the 1960's 'Alfie' is a good example.) What I'm doing now is similar, in a way. However, by the fact that Antoinette has broken that wall in not only speaking to others but actually offering herself as payment, she's definitely breaking the fourth wall and very likely the 'reality' wall as well. Quite honestly, there is a reasonable chance that her benefactor will want to take her up on her offer.

Mesarthim a écrit:

It could definitly interfere with reality... Maybe you should find a way to stop Antoinette before it becomes too complicated ...

Be easy, my friend. She does not give herself to just anyone. If you've read my story, she has to genuinely like the person she lies with. But she can be a terrible tease. Besides, she has more than one way to defend herself; resorting to violence only if no other manner is sufficient.

I've been having some small difficulty determining just how to progress. There are so many directions I could go with this, between action, suspense or mere boredom.

I will tell you that this is my first tale I've begun where I really don't know where things are going to end.

The shattering of 'reality' is a distinct possibility.