Fragment #28 - Let it go

I open one eye, then the other. I still feel sleepy, what time could it be? Noon, one o’clock? I don’t want to grab my phone to check the time, possible texts, missed calls. I’m in holidays, I don’t need to be available at any time. Let’s sleep in for once. The last weeks at school have been stressful, exams and school trips to organize, inspection… And I need to be on top of my game when I’m the classroom. Not that it bothers me: it’s actually the way I like doing my job. But still it’s tiring and now I do feel that I deserve some time off. I gather up the nice warm duvet, wrap myself into it and get closer to Mike.

I have a look at him, asleep, breathing peacefully. It feels relaxing, this warm bed, my bad boy next to me. It’s been four days of holidays, and I do feel better. The fuss I’ve made last week seems a bit far away now, and he didn’t seem to remember it. Let’s say it’s convenient for him that I just let it go. Or maybe it’s a chance for me that he doesn’t mind my tantrums. Maybe I’m losing myself in compromising, narrowing my expectations… Or maybe I’m just being rational and allowing myself to live without killing myself with over thinking and unrealistic aspirations. We went out for a couple of drinks yesterdays. No big deal. I look at him asleep next to me. He won’t answer any of my straightforward questions, but which guy would? Whatever. The room got this special light, when the day has come but the curtains are still closed. A light which makes me feel lazy. I close my eyes again.

I think about the nice chocolate cup I’m gonna have at Starbucks with Alison this afternoon: we still need to discuss some details of our school trip to Seville next week. My mind is wandering. Hot chocolate… Whipped cream… Blueberry muffin… Sunglasses… Nights out plans in Seville. Maybe I should better think about all the responsibilities involved by going abroad with a whole bunch of pupils, that is to say youngsters, irresponsible young people determined to experience their trip to the full, even if it involves doing forbidden things. Maybe especially if it means crossing the line.

But it’s not like I don’t enjoy it too, crossing the line. I'm going back to sleep. I guess I will need to get up at some point. Get my breakfast at tea time in Starbucks. Then get ready for Mark’s dinner party in Shawlands, with some friends, teachers too, in order to celebrate the holidays. Claire is coming, and Sarah, who came back in Glasgow on last Sunday, as well. This means we will spend long girly and enjoyable moments preparing ourselves. Dresses… Make-up… Hairstraighteners… Shoes… I smile, I’m so looking forwards to this enjoyable time, and the party afterwards. We’ll be late, and I feel good about it. I fall asleep.