Fragment #118 - It's hard to forgive, but...

We had a talk through with Steve and Paul. And they both said that I should stop acting like a child with Dad. Dr McCourt said something like that too. She talked about forgiving and how we should learn to love others for themselves and not for the image of them we like. I know all of that, but I still find it difficult to forgive my father, with what he's done to me.
"True, honey. But think this through. What has he done? Over all the years since you were born?"
I know, love, I know that you're right. If I listen to my reason, I know that this, making peace with my father is the right thing, the good thing to do. But I do have a bit of pride and my heart tells me it's not to me to go to him, but to him to come to me.
"Open your eyes, Charlie, he's come to you. You just keep rejecting him!"
Am I, little bro'?
"And what about your mum? Don't you want her to be with you on this big day? Don't you want her to be the best grandma she can be? You are the one who can change her from the mother you know to the grandmother she dreams to be."
Wait, doc, how do you know my mum wants to be a gran? She is already a gran, she's got my brother's son. Anyway, you don't even know her.
"Yes, but you are her only daughter. And she expects the best of you. Always."

Ok. You're right, all of you.

I pick up the phone. Breath in, breath out.
"Allo?"
"Hi, Dad."
Silence. Is he mad at me? I realise suddenly that he must have suffered so much in the last six months... And what did I do to help my dad? Nothing!! Nothing at all. What a freaking good daughter I am! I feel a tear slowly running down my cheek.
"I am so sorry, Dad" I whisper. "I know I've hurt you, deeper than I could ever imagine. I'm really sorry."
I can hear a sight.
"Dad, you there?"
"Yes, yes, dear, oh my." He's crying... "Yes I'm right here. Honey, it's so good to hear you!"
"I know, it's good to hear you too." I'm crying too, now, but I don't care. I curl up on the sofa.
"So, tell me about you. How are you?"
"I'm good, Dad. Real good. Listen, is Mum around? There is something I need to tell you both."
"Sure, honey, wait a second. Tina?" I can hear my mum in the background. And then Dad hits the speaker on, and I can hear them both.
"Hi, Charlotte. What is it?"
"Mum, Dad, first of all, thank you for everything you've ever done for me. I came to understand that it is not always easy to raise children. So thank you."
"Don't worry about it, ma puce. You and your brothers are the best things that happened to us."
I smile.
"Ok, now, I have two things to tell you. The first one, you might actually receive it through the post tomorrow, but I wanted to tell you myself. Steve and I are getting married." I pause.
"Oh, God, honey, that's great! I kid of expected it, it's fabulous news!!" Dad says.
"So soon? Are you sure, Charlotte? Don't you want to wait up a little?" Mum says.
"Mum, come on! Ok, now the second news." I take a big breath. I know how they reacted six years ago. Mum was angry at me, she thought I was too young to have a child, and Dad was detached. It's true though, that he was still working half the time in Africa, and saw enough children every day...
"Mum, Dad... I'm pregnant. You are going to be grandparents."
"What? Honey, are you sure? Is Steve the father?" Suddenly, Dad sounds all worried.
"Oh my God, Charlie it's wonderful!!!" Mum's extatic.
"Dad, yes of course, Steve is the father, what kind of a question is that?!!"
"I... Oh God, of course, honey, sorry, it's just..."
"It's ok dad. I understand."
"So, Charlotte, when is the baby for?"
"June, if all goes ok."
"Jules, we have to go to Glasgow and spend June there."
"Too right, Trésor. Honey, when is the wedding?"
"June as well, Dad."
"Then it's settled. Expect us around the 25th of May."
"You sure, Dad? Mum? I mean, you didn't even check your diaries... I know you're busy people..."
"Nothing will stand in the way of our daughter's happiness."
"Your mother is right, Charlie. It's about time we spend time with you, just to be with you."
"Thank you. From the bottom of my heart."